Getting Myself Worked Up...

So in my post from earlier this morning I mentioned being concerned about my healing compared to that of the other healers in my guild. I've been thinking a lot about it since then and I'm getting even more worried.

Last night there was a non-guildy there healing with us. I noticed immediately that she was at the top of the healing charts, even higher than our top healers.

Today, I was looking on wowprogress.com and noticed that the healer had joined the guild last night. Once again...another applicant that's invited to the guild after only one night.

The new healer was previously in the #2 guild on the server (we're currently #7). She's really well geared.

So what worries me about her being in the guild? She's one more person competing for a healing spot -- and with her performance, she's likely to win.

This guild has a very rigid structure based on time with the guild and raid attendance. Just this past week I was promoted to the next level based on raid attendance. At first, I thought this meant that I got priority when it came to raid slots over people of the level below me. But, I've just re-read the by-laws of the guild and realized there is no mention of raid spot priority -- only loot priority.

What good does it do me to have priority with respect to loot if she's likely to be chosen over me for raid spots? I'll never be there to get the loot I need. :-(

My only consolation is that the raid leader has a track record of asking people to sit out on runs if they don't need loot. This way people who do need loot can have their spot and hopefully get what they're looking for. If she continues this, there's a chance that I'll get a spot over the new healer because it looks like she has most of the loot she needs. Then, on ToCG 25 progression runs, she'll get the spot because her heals are more likely to help us succeed than mine would.

Another thing that has me worked up is something that was mentioned last night after the raid. The raid leader announced that the "first string" 10 man group would be raiding next. It made me painfully aware of not being a member of that elite group and the low likelihood of me ever being in it. I ended the night sad, wondering how much I'll progress in this guild. The "first string" group are those that have the fancy titles and raid achievements because they are the 10 best players in the guild. The rest of us are unlikely to get those achievements and titles. Now, if they'd leave a spot open each week for someone outside their clique to run with them, maybe we'd have a chance. I'm just sayin'....

I'm also worried that when Icecrown Citadel becomes available, which could be any week now, that I'll be relegated to "second string". Once again, in the interests of the guild, we should send in our best team to progress. I understand that. But, what does that mean for me? How long will it be before I can get in to see it?

Cold hard facts to face

1. I chose not to join a hard-core raiding guild until just recently. My choice. I had offers, but I rejected them. My choice. Consequences of that choice: I'm far behind on raid progression, experience and gear. I'm at the bottom of the totem pole in this raid guild.
2. This guild is big and I'm just one of the many members. I shouldn't expect to be treated special.
3. There are many members who have been with the guild longer than I have. They deserve priority over me.
   
4. New members that come from bigger guilds with better progression, experience and gear are more valuable to the guild from a progression standpoint. My heals are less effective than theirs. It is in the guild's best interest to put them first in the progression runs.
5. I am in the "second string" 10-man group. At least I have a regular 10-man group to run with. Many in the guild are not in the same boat.
6. I've only been with the guild for a few weeks. I have no idea what the future has in store for me.
7. Although they appear to play favorites, I know full well that they're favoring the better, more skilled players. And, they have every right to. They're not a casual social guild. They're a serious progression raid guild. Of course the most skilled should get priority over others. It's in the best interest of the guild. My personal satisfaction is of little interest to the guild.

So, I have my worries but I recognize I'm responsible for the situation I'm in now. I'll try to convince myself to make the most of what I have. Enjoy the opportunities to raid when I get invites to the 25 mans and make the most of my 10-man runs.

Heart, listen to the Mind. It's telling you some good stuff.