Culling of Stratholme (Heroic)
I logged in and after the "hellos" to my guild, I was invited to heal an Heroic Culling of Stratholme run. The person who invited me is a member of guild #2, so I figured it would probably go well. We lost our tank before we even started so at the last second we got a replacement...a DK. Without going into the ugly details, I'll just say it went badly. We did get the first mini-boss down, but couldn't get past the trash after that one. The DK was taking damage spikes that I couldn't keep up with. After my healing was criticized, I decided to gracefully bow out.
Of course, considering the mood I was already in, this didn't help at all. I began questioning my ability to heal. Raid healing is definitely different from 5-man instance healing. Have I gone soft? Spoiled by having other healers around to pick up the slack? Although I hate looking at meters, in the back of my mind is the fact that I'm usually the last on the list of healing (healer's list, that is) after a raid. Even though I have great gear on, am I still not a good healer?
Or is an undergeared DK just a difficult tank to heal, regardless off the skill of the healer?
Naxxramus
The Naxx run got going an hour and a half later than I expected. So, we didn't have a lot of time to get through much. We downed Grobbulus, Gluth and Thaddius. I finally got the Achievement for the Construct Quarter since the only boss I hadn't completed previously was Grobbulus.
It was encouraging to be back in the raid environment again, getting compliments on my heals and all. But, two things fed my insecurities about my actual effectiveness.
- The Shammy healer kept discussing healing assignments with the Druid healer. He never even acknowledged me. He's from a complete other guild and, of the three of us, is definitely the best geared and experienced in Naxx. So, yes, he was right to take the leadership role. But, I felt like his always addressing the Druid healer and not me was a snub. I felt like he was dismissing me because, in his eyes, I wasn't in their league. Unfortunately, healing meters supported this again. I was third...again! God I hate meters.
- The healing meters, as I mentioned above, showed me behind on overall heals.
I hate feeling insecure about all this. I know they like me and want me to heal for them. But, I can't help wondering if I'm just not doing it as well as I could. Ugh!
Vault of Archavon
We went back to the Vault again. Quick 10-12 minute run. I got lost in Wintergrasp again. I can't figure out how I keep doing that. I had to hearth back and take the portal from Dalaran - thank goodness it was working!
Guild
So...my guild. I got myself really worked up yesterday, as I mentioned at the beginning. I know I shouldn't trust my thoughts on days when I'm in emotional stress. But, I can't help wondering what I should do about my guild. I'm finally going to write specifics, who cares if they figure out that this is my blog?
Here's the issue: I soared quickly to 80 because I was constantly invited to instances. When I hit 80 I continued on with heroics and raids. I quickly geared up and am now decked out in purples. I still have some gear goals to reach in heroics and 10-mans, so there's reason to continue to run them.
So, what's the problem? My guildmates are not progressing quickly at all. A few have reached 80, but they're not motivated to gear up for heroics or raids. They envy my equipment, but don't do what's necessary to get their own purples. This would be OK if they were clear that it didn't matter to them. But, they're not. They say they want to do heroics and raids, and yet they don't do anything to make that happen. Many (most?) of them are very passive. They wait until someone suggests something or invites them to run an instance. They don't actively make plans and then invite others along. I don't understand this.
Granted, as a healing priest it's easier for me to get into groups. But still, they could actively look for groups. Or ask guildies to go along. I feel bad because the guild leader often suggests a dungeon run...and then crickets chirp...not a response at all from the rest of the guild. It's so crazy to me.
So, recently the guild leader decided to address this issue by having us all download a guild calendar. That way people can make known their desire to go to a dungeon and invite others along. So...what's the first event put into the calendar? A lvl 60 raid. WTF? How in the *%&^ is that contributing to their character progression?
I'm stymied. Each day that passes I realize what I want out of the game has changed from what it was a few months ago. Back then I was happy to reach lvl 70 then switch to leveling alts. The end game to me was being lvl 70. I was intimidated by raids and heroics, so they were something "other people" did. That all changed with the expansion. My main was now my priest and, as I mentioned above, I got caught up in the wave of invites to dungeons and eventually raids. Now, I can't help but look forward to the next raiding opportunity. I love raids.
My guild does not.
What do I do?
Do I continue to stay in this guild, even though I know 90% of my time will be spent doing things without them?
Do I switch to a raiding guild? If I do that I will miss the interaction with my current guildmates. Is that short sighted? It's similar to what people often do when they start dating. They completely switch their priorities to focus on their new love interest. They stop doing things with their friends in favor of spending time with their new boyfriend. If/when that relationship ends, their relationship with their friends has changed. Friends and family are really what's important. Does that apply to guilds in WoW?
Should I consider my long term experience when considering this situation? Is there really a long term for me, though? I mean, at some point I'm going to stop playing the game. And I know myself really well. As soon as I quit, I'll just quit. No goodbyes, no lingering friendships. I'll just turn my back on that fad and move on to the next. So, do my relationships with my current guildmates matter, considering I know full well they'll end without ceremony some day?
Also, I've been ignoring my fitness regimen for a while now. I need to get back to it. That alone might be the catalyst for me quitting the game. So, maybe I should just think of the short term, as that might be all I actually have with this game.
So much to think about.
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